On Saturday the 3rd of February 2007 I tried to get dressed. It was then that I realised I was a fat bastard and none of my jeans fitted any more.

I dragged my partner out for a run managing no more than 500m before I had to stop and reward myself with a sausage roll.

I still run regularly now, thankfully a bit further, with less processed meat and whilst I don’t get the same endorphin rush I used to, I do still very much enjoy the bit at the end of a run – the bit where you get to stop.

I’ve dabbled with a bit of technology to get the most out of my runs, heart rate monitors, mapmyrun.com and one of the ‘first generation’ GPS tracking apps for the iPhone, Runkeeper.

Adidas and Nike have recently launched their own training apps and having used both, here’s what I think.

Adidas MiCoach

If you want to be shouted at by a passive-aggressive liar who judging by the set-up procedure, clearly didn’t want to train you in the first place choose this app. He hates you all the way around your run and the data he gives you is inaccurate and should be taken as a thinly veiled “fuck off and never bother me again”.

Nike+

You are not worthy to be trained by this app yet it’s willing to stoop down because its cash at the end of the day. It knows it must remain your ‘buddy’ so that you continue to buy its over-priced clothing and shoes. Every now-and-then one of its mates will be ‘bought’ in eg. Paula Radcliffe, to patronise you further “Well done, you’ve beaten your personal best” croaks Paul, squat down with her knickers pulled aside.